” I Kill You ”
Monday morning I was witness to a tragic and rather Hitchcock like scenario. Reminiscent of a scene from Birds, I stumbled upon four magpies pulling apart a dead squirrel. Imagine the medieval rack. I was aghast and rather at a loss as I stood frozen on the street pondering. Do I shoo them away? Do I cross the street? What if I don’t take care of it and some poor child on their way to school becomes scarred for the rest of their life? I was in a predicament and did what any self-respecting woman would do in this situation; I called my boyfriend over. He however was four paces behind me fixing his fair (I know right?) “Zach! Oh my gosh check this out!” I yelled. “What?” He said jogging over with a pony tail holder in between his teeth. “Oh whoa.” He said crouching down to examine the carnage. The magpies where trying to pull the body down the overhang that was to the right side of the sidewalk. “Can you get them off the squirrel please?” I said closing my eyes in fear of witnessing a hand pulled off or an eyeball pop out. Magpies clearly have no respect or regard for the sanctity of death if they confuse desecrating and debasing a squirrel on the corner of Taylor Street as good eats.
Zach did manage to get rid of the magpies and the four of them flew off down into the evergreen trees to plot their return. I realize that this is my second consecutive post about dead animals; this is merely a coincidence. I can’t remember the last time I saw a dead animal before this week, although if I am being honest I am sure it was a squirrel. I enjoy squirrels; they are fun to watch and generally seem like happy creatures. Magpies on the other hand are a whole different breed of beast. Now I promise that tomorrows post will be a lot less dead like, but since I am on the topic of magpies I feel that it is my duty to tell my mother’s famous magpie tale.
It took place at the University of Alberta’s dorm complex. My mother had just begun her first year as an accounting major. From her bedroom window she had a view of the courtyard; a courtyard which I sure resembles many other courtyards around the world. I imagine it was gray brick with benches and a few shrubs for decoration. One afternoon as my mother peered out the window, she noticed a group for foreign exchange students (I will not identify how foreign) grilling up magpies, magpies which see had seen these students catching around campus. Now I am not sure what a magpie taste likes, I can only imagine since they apparently eat squirrels. A few moments has passed into the barbeque party when campus security showed up; undoubtedly telling the students that killing campus animals was not ok to do and if they were hungry there were plenty of cafeterias on campus for which to choose from, “Might I suggest chicken this time.”